Why Your Success Might Be Standing In Your Way Of A Happy Marriage

Sometimes men just make no sense…  Right?  They chase you, and together you dream up a future, but then they make you wait and wait… and in the end they fail to pop the long anticipated question: Will you marry me? 

This leaves you puzzled, and especially if you are a woman, you’ll make up a story, conditioned by the society and the Western culture, that men are jerks and he is just another one, who is shy of commitment and not in touch with his feelings.

Well, not so fast.

While freedom is important to a man, that’s not the kind of freedom that women imagine he is looking for.  In fact, men seek relationships as much as women do. But a man has to believe that they are free to be themselves even in a relationship with you.

You see, when a man meets a woman, who truly loves him for who he is, and not his status, money, looks, or what his prospective woman thinks she can mold him into…. he knows.  Contrary to popular belief, men are very much in touch with their senses and they can tell, even within seconds of meeting you, if you are relationship material or just a fun romp.

So if attraction is there, both physical and emotional (see “Why Good Men Find It So Hard TO Commit Today” for a distinction of emotional vs physical attraction), then why on earth wouldn’t he commit?  The answer will surprise you, especially if you are a woman, and may be the last thing you would have guessed.  Yes, ladies, to truly understand men and their motivation, you need to know how they are wired differently by Divine design, and how they think.

Since men are not compelled to marry by nature (or by conditioning and culture), they are much more authentic when choosing a mate.  Their strong sense of integrity and honour may often make them pass on you as their bride, even if they truly love you… especially if they truly love you.  Attraction, while powerful, is not enough for a man to commit, as men approach marriage with a great sense of responsibility and pride in being able to provide for you and your dreams together.

Attraction alone is like the framework, the canvas, where the painting is likely to take place.  But, it’s just the beginning of the story. Attraction tells a man that there is a possibility here for a story to be written. Then he goes to work, searching for the missing pieces.  Men are problem solvers, remember?

What missing pieces, you may ask?  Well… there are two important questions that a man needs to answer for himself, in order to commit and share his life with you:

1.       Can I make her happy?

2.       Will she support me in my life purpose?

Yes, it is true that you are personally responsible for your own happiness, but men are wired in a way that makes them want to give that to you.  The more he is in touch with his masculine self (and you do want a real man, right?) the more he is likely to feel this way.

His ability to make you happy is directly linked to his personal sense of self-worth. 

Please allow me to explain: a man is quick to size you up, and if your lifestyle is not something that he can afford… he will pass.  Please try to understand that this is not out of a weakness, or a fear of commitment.  In fact,  men are known to raise the bar on themselves, inspired to make their woman happy,  but if in their judgment and intuition, you have set the bar too high (in his eyes), his sense of integrity kicks in.  While you’re busy rockin’ a pair of Christian Louboutin, heels, he is on Google checking out the price thinking “I will not be able to make her happy, therefore, she is not for me”. 

What this means to you is simply this:  beware of pushing great men away, just because you are driving the most expensive car  or showing off with your flamboyant lifestyle, trying to impress him with all of your worldly travel destination dreams.  Be sure to communicate to him what matters most to you, with integrity about how he is the man of your dreams.  Then let him figure out if it is something that he can be inspired to provide for you.

The second question “Will she support me in my life purpose?” is even harder for us to grasp, as women.  Simply because we are also living purposeful lives in the New Millennium, and it is hard for us to imagine spending a considerable amount of time supporting our man’s mission.  However, men, driven by their masculine DNA, have this innate knowing that they are here to fulfill on a purpose, and their life is supposed to matter in some way. 

Subconsciously, men will measure your ability to “have his back” and stand by him… even if he is wrong.  Men want a woman, who looks up to them and sees the best in them… they don’t need your criticism. To him, life occurs as a burden already, and he wants to come home to your loving, nurturing energy, after a long day of battling the challenges of life.  While men do love a healthy challenge, and danger makes them grow more powerful and strong, which brings out their most courageous, daring self; you challenging your man at home is not the way to motivate him to strive for more and to accomplish bigger things in life.  You just become the danger he avoids. Instead, be the inspiration that makes him find the courage to move mountains out there… in the real world.

As the saying goes, “there is a great woman behind every successful man” – yes, it’s true, intuitively every man is hoping to be with one, wise and loving woman, who inspires him to be his best… and more, lets him be his best with his balls intact.

Makes sense? Of course, it does. You are smart, and this is why I am talking to you… You get this. Now let’s go and practice. Have some fun with these insights and share your successes with us – this is how we learn and grow as women. For more relationship tips and to end your frustrations with men, join the Instaglam Club, where women like you and me, Sassy, Savvy and Successful hang out and support each other… together we make this world a better place for all.

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Massimo and Daniela are the creators of “Wines and Castles” – exotic vacations for couples who wish to experience the beauty and extravagance of the noble lifestyle while creating a deeper bond in their relationship.  Occasionally, Daniela and Massimo offer trips for Single Successful women, looking for a week away to pamper their spirit and learn to attract the man that they desire.  Visit www.LaBellaVitaLifestyle.com for information on upcoming events and to book your spot.